I Don't Usually Do This Sort of Thing
by Miyurimi
Summary: The one where Derek gets drunk and sleeps with the Sheriff's underage daughter. Or, the one where Derek's life is a bad romance novel and Laura is extremely amused by it all. Genderswap!Sterek.


Genderswap!sterek for Femslash February back on tumblr - something I am very happy about because femslash seems to speaks to me on so many levels and this fandom needs more of it.

Derek is not a werewolf in this fic. The back-story is that Derek's family still died in a fire but it actually was an accident, not arson. Laura survived as well and both siblings were taken in by more distant relatives outside of Beacon Hills. Derek and Kate were still a thing, but instead of using Derek to get to his family she took advantage of her and manipulated her for sex and favors and the like, and when she started getting seriously abusive it took time and help, mostly from Laura, before she got out. This is not, however, a central part of the story.

* * *

The first thing Derek Hale thought when she woke up to a pounding headache that morning was – _Oh fuck, just how much did I drink last night?_

The second thing she thought as the warm body next to hers tightened her (because it was definitely a her) arms around her was – _Oh fuck no._

She spent a few moments staring up at the off white ceiling of the motel room she'd rented a couple of days prior, partly to get used to the horrible pounding in her head but mostly hoping that the body in her bed would somehow magically go away. Derek was _horrible _at morning afters, even with one night stands – which, let's face it, was basically what her "love life" consisted of as a rule. She was awkward at the best of times and this was definitely not going to go smoothly with a hangover to boot.

The girl made a snuffling noise next to her and Derek sighed before slowly turning her head to look at her.

And froze.

"Oh are you fucking _kidding_ me?" she groaned, because next to her lay a girl who was most definitely _not _over eighteen and _not _old enough to get drunk in a bar and sleep with a 23 year old.

"Fuck fuck _fuck_," she muttered under her breath as she carefully attempted to disentangle herself from the girl who was wrapped around her body like some sort of over affectionate koala without waking her up. It took quite some time, acrobatic skill and the discovery that yes, they had _definitely_ had sex last night and also not bothered to clean up afterwards because she felt in desperate need of a shower, but she eventually managed to ungracefully stumble out of the bed. She watched cautiously as the girl turned over to hug the pillow in a tight grip before diving for her phone. She dug it out from the pocket of her discarded jeans and quickly dialed the familiar number.

Laura, to Derek's great relief, answered after only three rings. "Hey Derek, I was wondering when you'd call. How are things going over there?"

She took a deep breath. "I got drunk and slept with a high school student."

The silence on the other line was deafening. Then, _"What?"_

"You heard me," she mumbled quietly and glanced over at the bed. "I spent all of yesterday signing papers and talking to stuck up people in suits and it almost drove me crazy, not to mention that seeing the house again didn't exactly put me in the best of moods. I just… I needed to blow off some steam." She and Laura had been getting an insistent amount of e-mails from the Beacon Hills authorities lately, seemingly tired of the burnt shell of a house standing like a ghost in the forest and urging them to either do something to renovate it or tear it down. They had discussed it and decided that after all these years and with Jeff and Laura's baby on the way it was time to face their childhood home and all the memories that came with it. Derek had been reluctant, but when Laura had quietly admitted that she wanted them to renovate the house so that they could create new memories there with their future families, she hadn't had the heart to object. She had driven down to Beacon Hills two days earlier than Laura and Jeff were supposed to get there just to get thing going. In retrospect, this might not have been the wisest plan they could have agreed on.

Laura sighed heavily and Derek couldn't help but squirm under the weight of her sister's disapproval. "And I suppose that this high school student of yours wasn't a planned part of said blowing off steam process, because if it was we need to have a serious talk."

"No, of course it wasn't!" she hissed heatedly before quickly falling silent as the girl squirmed and mumbled something in her sleep before falling still again. Derek breathed a hushed sigh of relief.

"Uh-huh," Laura said dryly. "Do you even know her name, Derek?"

"I…" She frowned as she tried to remember if there had even been any introductions made last night. She vaguely remembered being approached by the girl at the bar after being recognized and her enthusiastically declaring herself as—

"Oh my god, oh my fucking _god _Laura_, please _get here as soon as you can or I might just drown myself in the shower to put me out of my misery."

"What, who the hell is it?" Laura asked in an urgent tone, and Derek was now beginning to regret calling her because she knew that her sister would _never_ let her forget this.

"… The sheriff's daughter," she admitted quietly before bracing herself for a reaction.

Laura stayed silent for a very, very long time. Then a choked sound came through the speaker before Laura practically started _howling_ with laughter, Derek frantically shushing her as the girl, _Stiles Stilinski, _started squirming again.

"Oh my god, your _life," _she managed to choke out between peals of laughter. "Did I wake up in an alternate reality where my sister is stuck in a bad romance novel and _defiling a small town sheriff's underage daughter?"_

"Shut up Laura, your heartless and unhelpful cackling is going to wake her up!"

Laura made a dismissive sound on the other end. "You're gonna have to wake your little jail bait up eventually, Derek, you can't just sneak out on this one." Derek opened her mouth to protest when her sister interrupted her with a sharp, "_No, _Derek_". _

"We're in my motel room, I don't think leaving is a very good option anyway," she grumbled, which was a damn shame because she _really_ wanted to. She rubbed her free hand over her face in frustration and groaned. "Fuck, I can't believe I did something like this. She can't be more that sixteen, Laura, she's a _kid!_ I slept with a kidwhen I know better than anyone how fucking horrible that can turn out, what an older woman can make someone do, how it can fuck with your head and—"

"Stop it," Laura said sharply, her voice stopping Derek before she could work herself up. "This is nothing like what happened with Kate, Derek, _you _are not Kate. She was a psychopathic bitch who used you to get her way and didn't give a damn about the consequences, and making a mistake by sleeping with a minor does not make you any of those things, do you understand me?"

Derek stared silently down at the floor, stubbornly choking down the memories of cold hands, blond hair and the smell of metallic smell of blood. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah, I know. I'll talk to her, just… what if she tells her dad, what the fuck am I going to do then?"

"Do you honestly believe that I tell my dad about my hook ups with hot older women? Because let me tell you, that's disturbing as all hell."

Derek nearly dropped the phone as she whipped her head around to stare at Stiles, who was now sitting up with the duvet clutched firmly over her chest while her brown eyes fixed her with a calculating stare before flickering away again. When a blush spread over her cheeks Derek suddenly became acutely aware of her own nudity. "Could you maybe, um, put some clothes on or something? Not that there's anything wrong with the whole naked thing, it's fucking spectacular actually, but it's a bit distracting."

Derek frowned down at herself for a second before walking over to her bag to retrieve a clean set of underwear. Nudity didn't really bother her personally, but she wasn't up for making this even more uncomfortable than it already was. Besides, she didn't exactly feel up to having a serious talk with someone with her boobs on display, even if that person had already seen and touched said boobs or not.

"I'm gonna have to call you back," she mumbled into her phone while she rummaged through her bag.

"Good luck, Der-Der," Laura sing-songed over the line before Derek hung up with a sigh. As she pulled on a pair of panties she glanced over at Stiles, who was fidgeting with the duvet and glancing over at her every now and then before quickly averting her eyes. Derek chose not to comment on it as she pulled a t-shirt over her head before making her way back over to the bed.

Before Derek had a chance to open her mouth, Stiles blurted out, "Okay, look, I didn't mean to listen in on your conversation or anything, but that doesn't change the fact that I heard parts of it, so before you say anything I need to make something clear – and listen, because this is important." She finally looked Derek in the eye and _wow, _those huge eyes of hers were fucking Disney princess material – which so wasn't the point here. "I don't know the details and it's none of my business anyway, but you did _not _mess with my head, or manipulate me, or anything like that. I approached you because I wanted to, I slept with you because I wanted to, and I will keep doing what I want regardless of what you may do or say so just… don't sweat it, okay?"

Derek swallowed around the lump of emotion building in her throat. Despite herself she could feel the anxious knot in her stomach dissolving somewhat and she coughed lightly in a pathetic attempt to hide her relief. "You were pretty drunk though," she said instead, desperately trying to divert Stiles' attention from her own messed up past. She frowned as she thought it over. "Wait, how did you even get into that bar in the first place? There's no way you're over eighteen and no fake ID can do much for that baby face of yours."

"Hey, I'm seventeen, okay? You make it sound like I'm fourteen or something," Stiles grumbled as a flush spread over her cheeks yet again. "And, uh, me and Scott – my friend – sort of… sneaked in? Hey, don't judge me!" she squeaked indignantly when Derek raised an eyebrow at her in a, yes, very unimpressed manner. "No one in a small town would let the Sheriff's underage daughter into their bar, so we had to resort to more drastic measures."

"Right," Derek said dryly. "Is this 'Scott' legal then? I would bet good money that he's not."

Stiles huffed and her expression turned a tad sour – it was surprisingly endearing. "Well, no. His girlfriend is though, and as soon as she was let in they were nowhere to be found for the rest of the night. I mean, I don't blame him because Allison is a fucking goddess but I was sulking, I can admit to that, but then I saw you sulking as well and I thought 'hey, she might want to sulk together!' Or… something." She laughed under her breath and raised her eyebrows at Derek. "To be honest, the alcohol paired with a grown up Derek Hale in a leather jacket sort of short-circuited my brain a bit. You're kind of mind meltingly hot, which I'm sure you're more than aware of – not that you weren't hot before or anything!" Stiles quickly blurted out as she flailed a bit. "I mean, I knew that even at eleven so—"

"Wait," Derek interrupted, surprised as she registered Stiles' words. "You, what, had the hots for me at _eleven?_ But that was six years ago! I was _seventeen."_

Stiles made a squeaking sound again as she thrust her arms out in a frustrated gesture and woah_, _okay, the sheet was no longer being held up by Stiles' hands. "I developed early, okay!" she nearly shouted, a clear note of defensiveness in her voice. She frowned when Derek pointedly averted her eyes and glanced down. "Oh come on!" she sighed harshly. "It's not like you haven't seen them before." She continued. "So yeah, you were my first crush, so what? It doesn't mean that I'll get too attached or anything, and the virginity thing was totally a coincidence! It's not like I was, I don't know, _saving myself for you_ or some weird crap like that—"

Derek nearly choked before she squeaked out, "You were a _virgin?"_ Oh god, this just kept getting better – she'd not only slept with the Sheriff's underage daughter but taken her virginity as well. Laura was never, _ever_ going to let her forget this. Her eyes widened and she choked out, "You didn't, did you? Because that's just—"

"_No!"_ Stiles shrieked as she glared indignantly at Derek. "Of course not, I was _joking, _jeez. And don't you start freaking out about the virginity thing, you're making it a bigger deal than it is. What do you care anyway, you don't even live here anymore – I bet you're leaving any day now and you won't ever have to think of this again." Derek was pretty sure that, despite Stiles' words, she could detect a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Uh, actually," Derek began, wearily massaging her temples to stave off the bitching hangover headache that was getting worse by the minute. "I'm moving back. Or, well, that's the plan at least. Me, my sister and her family wanted to renovate the old house, so…" She trailed off, not sure what to do. She was tired, confused, hung-over and in desperate need of a shower – not exactly the best state to be in when one was trying to think. Or do _anything_

_._

Stiles blinked. "Oh," she said, seemingly taken aback. "Really?" she asked and pursed her lips in thought when Derek nodded. Lips that were very talented for a beginner and— nope, she was not going there… again.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Stiles spoke again. "You know what?" she said as she leaned forward to rest her arms on her bent knees. "Why don't you take a shower while I get dressed? I need to get home before my dad gets off work anyway. Night shift," she explained as she glanced at the clock on the wall behind Derek. "I'll be gone when you get out and we'll just… go on our merry ways, okay?"

Derek sighed and nodded. "Fine."

She got up and grabbed a towel from her bag, but before she reached the small bathroom Stiles stopped her with a shouted "Wait!" Derek turned to her, one eyebrow raised in question. Stiles was looking her straight in the eyes, but it was obvious that she was struggling to do so. "Was I… was I any good? You know, at…"

Derek studied her as she trailed of nervously and was quiet for a moment before she said, "Yeah. Obviously you lacked some technique and experience but… you're a quick learner and, um, yeah. It was good."

She quickly fled into the bathroom when Stiles beamed shyly at her.

When Derek came back out some time later Stiles was, as promised, nowhere to be seen. She sighed quietly to herself and had just tugged on a pair of jeans when she noticed the piece of paper pinned on the door. She frowned as she walked closer to read the note and made a strangled noise when she saw what it said.

_Hey, I know we said we'd both go on our merry ways after this (well, I said it and you nodded – not much of a talker are you? Or is that the hangover thing? Or did I talk over you? I have a tendency to do that, sorry), and we will! I just wanted to leave you this incredibly un-cool note to let you know that I work part time at the dingy coffee shop near the post office. It's not actually that dingy, it only looks that way – the coffee's great and their blueberry cheesecake is the stuff of legend, so if you're ever in the mood for it just drop in. Not on Tuesdays though, Greenberg works on Tuesdays and that guy's just courting disaster on a daily basis. Also not on Sundays or Thursday afternoons – Erica may be dating Boyd but I have a feeling that she would sink her claws in you anyway ._

_Yeah, I'm running out of paper so, just, drop by if you feel like it._

And at the bottom right corner of the paper, topped off with an actual scribbled smiley face emoticon_, _she read;

_Welcome back home, Derek :D_

Derek stared at the note for an embarrassingly long time before she groaned and let her head fall forward to hit the wooden surface of the door with a dull thud.

"I hate my life," she moaned, before she shoved the piece of paper into her pocket and made a note to seek out this dingy coffee shop the very next day.

For the cheesecake, of course.


End file.
